Cataclysm

cataclysm, noun, cat· a· clysm ˈka-tə-ˌkli-zəm, a momentous and violent event marked by overwhelming upheaval and demolition, an event that brings great changes.^†

Today I am writing about rape.

In Canada, Sexual Assault is defined as an assault of a sexual nature that violates the sexual integrity of the victim.  Specifically in this case, drug-facilitated sexual assault.  In the eyes of the law, the use of the rape drug proves premeditation and, making this crime more heinous is that both the perpetrator and the victim are minors.  Disturbingly, female rape victims are much more likely to be assaulted by someone well-known to them —  a friend, a co-worker, a boyfriend or ex-boyfriend — than by a complete stranger.  In this case, a classmate.  

Monday evening past, my friend’s sweet granddaughter revealed to her family that, at a grade 12 high school party on Saturday night, she had been roofied and raped.  A disclosure that irrevocably changed the lives of them all, most tragically of course, the young victim.  The week since then has been hell, with a hospital visit, the collection of samples, attending the police station, and follow-up police interviews.  

“Victim” is a descriptor not a title. For the purpose of anonymity in this post, I will refer to her as “Lotus”.

Poor Lotus has experienced an entire bandwidth of feelings this week — shame, sadness, guilt, embarrassment, confusion, fear, anger, and overwhelming anxiety.  Rape unleashes a traumatic, emotional storm that will reverberate through all aspects of Lotus’ being evermore.

What I know:  

I know that all children deserve nutritious food, a home where they are protected, loving parents, and a safe school.  They also deserve a life free from violence and trauma per The Charter: Everyone has the right to life, liberty and security of the person.

I know that the harm caused by the rapist will ravage the hearts and souls of Lotus and her family long after her assault took place, possibly producing posttraumatic stress issues and other, ongoing mental health issues.

I know that Lotus’ life will always be marred by the effects and imperfections caused by her rape possibly including unwanted nightmares or flashbacks that will rush at, and overwhelm her, like a tsunami.  Unexpected, possibly subliminal reminders of that trauma (think scents, for instance) may trigger panic attacks for the rest of her life.

I know that when a devastating assault occurs, we understand immediately that any sense of having control over our lives is obliterated. 

The immediate goal of Lotus’ parents’ is to listen and love.  To make mental health services available and to participate as requested and needed.  It’s about shepherding young Lotus through the process of transmuting her pain to understanding so that she can slowly regain her power.

Most important of all,  they will need to continually demonstrate respect for, and understanding of, the complexity of rape aftermath.  To be supportive of the choices Lotus makes — allowing her to set the timeline and character of her recovery.

The crime of rape, its impact and consequences, simply cannot be appropriately summarized in a neat sound bite.  Major traumas are the most weighty events that we will ever experience.  They inescapably change us and our loved ones after which we strive to find some peace.  For Lotus, it will be impossible to abolish the horrific memories of her rape; countless times during her life they will return to haunt her.

My hope is that eventually, and with the love and understanding of her family, Lotus will come to comprehend that there is healing on the other side of the harm inflicted, of the rape, its pain, and the judgement she has regrettably experienced.

I think about this lovely family, Lotus in particular, a lot, and about their anguish, grief, worry and sadness.  I think about how very difficult it will be to move on.  If, indeed, they can.

’Til next time, y’all…

^†Merriam-Webster Dictionary